File No. 9: Wintry Illness has your Flirting on Pause?

16 Dec

When women get ill, we continue to function. We still juggle work and home, cook meals, do laundry and dishes like normal. We hold it down. Because if we didn’t, it’d all unravel and we’d have to pick up the pieces later anyway. So, why leave it to later when you could do it today?

Of course, with men, it’s completely different. When they get sick, the world ends. Everything stops and they demand and fuss and whine. I’ve spent the best part of this past week dealing, not only with my own epic illness, but also dealing with my partner’s. !@#$*!&#(!#**@

So, here are some tips on how to survive when he has a cold (and you do as well … ).

  1. Set him up with everything he needs–tissue, barf bucket, blanket, remote control, plenty of water and tissues a recording of you muttering various encouraging phrases and sympathies such as Oh, you poor baby and Wittle wamb.
  2. Replace your regular gourmet-quality meals (that you normally prepare all by yourself) for canned soup. Make lots of noise banging around in the kitchen to mask the sound of the can opener. Heat the soup on the stove and add a few homey touches like a few sprigs of fresh herbs, freshly buttered bread and some of your germs. On accident, of course!
  3. Regale him with a tale of the last time you were ill and on your period and still made him that fabulous steak dinner…
  4. Keep a mental list of every blubber, every whimper and every pathetic moan. When you are pregnant, use it as ammunition to make the lucky father-to-be’s life hell. Hey, kid, you’ve earned it!

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