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File No. 11: 6 Reasonable Expectations for Couples

2 Feb

As read in 10,000 Ways to Say I Love You by Gregory JP Godek:

  • Expect honesty
  • Expect him/her to anticipate you
  • Expect true love to last forever
  • Expect to live lovingly ever after
  • Expect him/her to control his/her emotions most of the time
  • Expect to forgive one another on a regular basis

Poll: Porn in relationships…

20 Jan

Your partner still watches porn when you’re not around.

Is this unacceptable or just “normal” behavior?

11 Saucy and Sultry Intimacy Tips to Reignite Your Passion

9 Jan

It may not be scientifically proven (yet), but the stress of the holidays can really play havoc with your sex life! Just think, there’s all that stress: Christmas prezzies, making the turkey, keeping the bickering family members from turning Christmas dinner into a live game of Clue and contending with the neighbor across the street’s Christmas decoration light pollution as you’re trying to fall asleep.

Christmas only comes once a year because our nerves (and sex drives) couldn’t handle it! Now that things have calmed down, it’s time to turn up the steam in the bedroom. Here are 11 saucy and sultry intimacy tips to reignite your passion and keep it lit throughout 2011!

1. Be spontaneous. Don’t allow routine to rush back in all at once. Instead, take time to be spontaneous. Schedule a day trip out, pull a fake sickie and spend the day in bed with your love, romping and rolling.

2. Be cheesy and leave a love note. Post-it notes  and Sharpies were made for this sort of thing! Scribble “I love you” or “You looked sexy in that ________ yesterday” on a Post-it note and leave it in a place where your love will find it. They’ll fall in love with you all over again; sometimes, it really is the little things!

3. Be complimentary. You know those couples who make your gut churn with how lovey-dovey they are? Be them for a day! You don’t have to manhandle each other in public and you don’t have to engage in an intense make-out session in the supermarket, you can just compliment your partner in public, loud enough for someone to hear and get that gut churny feeling. It’s nice being the cause of it, for once.

4. Be vocal. Enjoying that orgasm? Let them know, after all, they are putting some effort into it. How about showing them how good it was by loosening up and giving them a good shout. Nothing says you turn me on better than a properly executed moan of pure pleasure.

5. Be naughty. So you’re out in public, maybe you’re doing the grocery shopping and you notice that your partner is looking particularly sexy, or you just remembered that steamy night you had a few day ago. Let them know, lean over and whisper in their ear. Tell them what you’re going to do to them when you get home. It’ll be the fastest shopping trip of your life.

6. Be suggestive. Bored on the train? Stuck in traffic? Text messages may not have been created for sultry sentiments, but they make the perfect medium for letting your significant other know that you appreciate them and love them. Text them something tastefully naughty.

7. Be a good listener. Voltaire said, “The road to the heart is the ear.” Listen to what your partner has to say about their plans for the future, their needs, their hopes and dreams and show them that you’re listening by engaging in conversation. Are you quieter than your partner? Shake things up by initiating the conversation some days. Is your partner the wildflower? Ask their opinion before you share yours, it’ll make them feel appreciated and important.

8. Be willing to learn. Ask your partner to direct you–very specifically–in how he or she likes to be touched. Everybody knows, repetition is the key to learning, so repeat, repeat, repeat!

9. Be daring. Now, we’d never promote any illegal activity, but there’s a soft spot in our hearts for exhibitionism here at The Flirt Files. We’re not telling you to get busy beneath the streetlights or anything like that, but a thick blanket at a football game might be just the intro you need to the wonderful world of exhibitionism.

10. Be focused. Kiss with concentration. Focus on them when talking and pay attention!

11. Be you. They fell in love with you for who you are. Be you, with all your imperfections and your fears, quirks, beauty and love. Be who you are, always.

File No. 9: Wintry Illness has your Flirting on Pause?

16 Dec

When women get ill, we continue to function. We still juggle work and home, cook meals, do laundry and dishes like normal. We hold it down. Because if we didn’t, it’d all unravel and we’d have to pick up the pieces later anyway. So, why leave it to later when you could do it today?

Of course, with men, it’s completely different. When they get sick, the world ends. Everything stops and they demand and fuss and whine. I’ve spent the best part of this past week dealing, not only with my own epic illness, but also dealing with my partner’s. !@#$*!&#(!#**@

So, here are some tips on how to survive when he has a cold (and you do as well … ).

  1. Set him up with everything he needs–tissue, barf bucket, blanket, remote control, plenty of water and tissues a recording of you muttering various encouraging phrases and sympathies such as Oh, you poor baby and Wittle wamb.
  2. Replace your regular gourmet-quality meals (that you normally prepare all by yourself) for canned soup. Make lots of noise banging around in the kitchen to mask the sound of the can opener. Heat the soup on the stove and add a few homey touches like a few sprigs of fresh herbs, freshly buttered bread and some of your germs. On accident, of course!
  3. Regale him with a tale of the last time you were ill and on your period and still made him that fabulous steak dinner…
  4. Keep a mental list of every blubber, every whimper and every pathetic moan. When you are pregnant, use it as ammunition to make the lucky father-to-be’s life hell. Hey, kid, you’ve earned it!

File No. 8: When They Don’t Flirt With You

10 Dec

Maybe you’ve been there. You’re cleaning a room in the house and completely by accident stumble across something that belongs to him. A letter from another woman, pictures, whatever. Your heart sinks. Curiosity and blind rage drive you forward. You rifle, you discover more, pictures, letters, letters, pictures. Defeated, confused and angry you slump to the floor and sob.

When you finally lift yourself off of the floor you feel like someone is still keeping you down. You feel hurt and angry, embarrassed and annoyed, frustrated and confused. Very, very confused. He’s looking at porn too much. He’s getting too close to a friend or an ex. He’s giving you some sign or some reason to doubt his feelings.

Maybe this isn’t the first time it’s happened. Maybe you’ve been feeling like this for a while. You’ve mentioned it before. He nodded, rubbed your back, said he understood, but still he can’t give it up and before you know it, you’re sharing your house with more than just him. Now it’s every naked woman’s picture he keeps. Every magazine filled with women who look nothing like you. Women who he masturbates over, violating the delicate and precious intimacy that the two of you have for two-dimensional, glossy (and most commonly, fake) women that he’ll never get to see or touch in reality.

For whatever reason, he’s taken all of that. All that you give him, all the love, the fact that you take care of him and cook for him and clean and invest your emotions and your energy into your relationship … he’s taken all of that and he’s shit all over it. And it burns you up inside.

You find yourself constantly second guessing. Wondering, worrying. Feeling like shit because you know that he’s interested in someone else. You know that as soon as you leave the house, he settles in front of his computer, pictures and roll of tissue in hand and thinks about women other than yourself.

And you want to vomit. And you want to throw your hands in the air in frustration and end it all and make it all go away. But you love him. You really do and this is the only hiccup in your relationship. And, shouldn’t you be more accepting? Didn’t you come into the relationship knowing he looked at porn? Hadn’t the two of you looked at some together? Do you really have any right to be offended then?

How much do you take? What if you did something similar? What if your drawers and shelves were full of pictures and DVDs of naked men? What if you left evidence of masturbating? What if you made it crystal clear that there 3948203820 other men in the world who turned you on and made you feel as good as he did? Would you expect him to stay put? Would you expect him not to be hurt?

What is it that makes you keep your mouth shut?

File No. 7 Flirting When You’re Committed

7 Dec

You’re cozy in your relationship. You love him; he loves you. You probably share a house or a flat together, and you’ve gotten used to splitting food costs, gas bills and rent. You have a routine: he cooks; you put away dishes. He watches sports while you work on your jewelry making and you both take turns cleaning the bathroom. Everything seems to have fallen into place and before you fully realized, you’ve committed to living in an adult relationship. Suddenly, all those things you were afraid of taking on are a part of your normal life and you can’t imagine anything else.

So, why is it that when you see that tall coworker of yours poised near the copy machine, flashing his toothpaste ad smile you get weak at the knees? Why is it that when he comes over to ask you to help him with his latest project, your mind darts and you get a Sex and the City type scene of the two of your pressed up against the back wall in the break room? Why do you want to spend most of your work day talking with him?

Depending on who you ask, you’ll get a different response. Some people say flirting while committed is wrong. Others say its natural. Some partners will take offense and even suggest that flirting with someone other than them is cheating. Others will say that they are glad that you are still attracted to other people and that other people still find you attractive. Of course, with all the important and confusing points in life, there is no right or wrong answer.

As you know, we flirt for a million different reasons. Because we enjoy the attention. Because it’s our nature. Because he just looks damn good in those jeans. Whatever. I tend to have a flirty personality. I’m always creating quick intimacies, touching arms, leaning in … doing all those things relationship coaches tell guys to look for to tell if a girl’s interested in them. Sure, sometimes it’s because I am interested in them, but mostly it’s because that’s my personality. If I’m talking to you, I want to give you my full attention. Touching you, leaning in lets you know that I’m listening to you and focused on you and no one else.

I have discovered, this type of attention to men other than my SO can cause tension. Why? Are they not confident that I’m with them? In the quickest answer, no, they weren’t. It’s a bit … sad, really. Still, the fact of the matter is, to someone cheating can be as innocent as exchanging Facebook details. To others, it’s not cheating until there’s been intercourse. I’m somewhere in between, I think. Luckily, my current partner is as well. Even more lucky, he doesn’t get jealous if I strike up a conversation with a guy and he’s around.

I guess, you just have to assess. You have to say to your partner, “What is cheating to you?” and you have to work from there. This was my biggest problem with my last serious relationship before my current one. I didn’t know his boundaries and he didn’t know mine beforehand. So when either of us crossed them, the other person defensively started a fight. Not out of spite, but out of defense.

As a result, we both strayed and we both pushed each other into the red zone and ended up cheating on one another, by anyone’s definition of the word: he slept with someone else (on my birthday, the douche) and I allowed myself to make out and engage in heavy petting with someone else. His cheating happened because his boundaries for himself were non-existent. My cheating happened because when I needed him during a particularly tough time, he put me on the back burner to attend to someone else. (This, sadly, was common in our relationship and at the time, I didn’t think I deserved more.)

Long story short, you have to know what the other person views as cheating. You have to know what type of friendship they consider inappropriate and you have to decide for yourself if flirting while you’re in a committed relationship is okay or a big no-no.

File No. 6: Top 10 Sex Positions We’re Most Thankful For

24 Nov

With America on the cusp of their biggest eating holiday of the year, we take a moment to reflect on some things we are truly thankful for. Of course, sex is always on the brain here at The Flirt Files HQ. To demonstrate that, we give you, the top 10 sexual positions we are the most thankful for:

10. Inverted Jockey

The Inverted Jockey position is a variation on the Cowboy with the giver leaning forward over the receiver. It is not a naturally occurring position, as the receiver has their legs closed while the giver sits astride their thighs. To get into the position, the receiver simply lies down on their back while their partner sits atop of them and leans forward on their arms. Although inserting can be a little difficult at first for the giver, the tightness of the opening can be rewarding for shallow penetration.

9. Inverted Missionary

The Inverted Missionary position is exactly what it sounds like, the Missionary position with the receiver on top and the giver underneath. Getting into the position is very easy; the giver just lies back on the bed and has the receiver lay on top of them. Variations in the positioning of the receiver’s upper body can also allow for kissing the body – shoulders, breasts or neck, so feel free to move around and experiment.

8. The Viennese Oyster

In the Viennese Oyster position the receiver lays on their back with their lower back and legs raised all the way up so that their ankles are crossed behind their own head. The exact end position will depend on the flexibility of the receiver. This position totally exposes the groin area to the giving partner who lays atop the receiver to perform. The giver moves up and down on the receiver to create friction. The giver needs to use their hands to support their own body weight so as not to crush the receiver.

This position requires considerable flexibility on the part of the receiver and it cannot be (fully) achieved by most, but it is wonderfully “naughty” due to the feeling of being totally exposed. Those less flexible might try getting into the position, but stop at the point where the position starts to become uncomfortable. The giver can also help those less flexible by using their hands to support the receiver’s thighs at mid-point.

7. Scissors

The Scissors position differs from the Intersextion position because all four legs are inter-crossed or scissored. This allows for a unique angle for penetration, but it comes at the partial expense of comfort. Many people don’t like this position because they find it awkward to position their legs without causing one of the partner’s legs irritation or pain, but it does have a solid following amongst those who can find the sweet spot.

6. The Upside Down Position

Stand facing each other. You jump up and wrap your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck. Let him penetrate; then, very slowly and carefully, let go so your body falls backward into a handstand position facing away from him. Your palms are now on the floor, and he supports you by holding your waist and bottom. Yes, you do need to be flexible, but it’s actually not as difficult as it sounds. (And you’ve got to admit, it looks damn impressive!)

Why you’ll love it:

It’s called inversion: his taking you head-down. Because the blood literally rushes to your head, it builds pressure in the veins of your face and neck, producing startling sensations that lead to an orgasm. Oh, and it’s great for improving your balance and giving your abs a workout. It sure beats the gym!

5. Victory

The Victory is basically the Missionary position but with the receiver’s legs extended out straight and forming a v-shape toward the ceiling. To get into the position, the receiver simply lies down on their back while their partner lies face-down on top of them. The receiver then extends the legs as shown.

4. The Butterfly

The Butterfly position is at the head of the butterfly family. Its great for the edge of the bed, couch, or just about any edge for that matter! To get into this position, the receiver lays back on just about any edge big enough and plants their feet on the floor, while the penetrating partner stands or kneels between their legs.

This position is very comfortable for both partners, though a pillow under the knees could be useful for a kneeling penetrator.

3. The Slide Position

He kneels on a hard surface in a praying position, keeping his back straight. You lie in front of him with your genitals facing his direction. He then lifts your legs up to his shoulders, so your weight is supported on your shoulders. Shifting his erection downward, he penetrates you. He holds you in position by wrapping his arms around your upper thighs.

Why you’ll love it:

The Slide is successful because it’s a position in which he can penetrate you shallowly. How terribly tactful is Mother Nature? — all of the vagina’s nerve endings are located within an inch or so of its entrance. The reason the technique works: He is able to focus on your supersensitive nerve endings with what also happens to be his most sensitive part — the head of his penis.

2. Elevated Missionary

You’ll never see missionary position the same way again. “While on your back, put a pillow under your butt, lift your hips, and bring your legs up and back toward your shoulders, as though you’re folding in half,” says Solot. This move allows him better ease of thrusting and deeper penetration — a perk for both of you. Plus, it can stimulate your G-spot. But consider this a warm-up — you’re getting the zone primed for a more intense orgasm. Once your G-spot feels sufficiently stroked, put your legs down and have him get into coital-alignment-technique (CAT) position. “He’s on top, but he lifts his pelvic bone upward, aligning it with your clitoris,” says sex therapist Gloria Brame, PhD. “Then he rocks against the area until you peak.” “The legs-up position is a slow burn that brings you to the brink and increases sensitivity. Then the addition of clitoral rubbing takes you over the edge in a bigger way than if you had done CAT alone,” adds Brame.

1. Doggy Style

The most traditional version of the Doggy Style position is straightforward; the receiver on all fours with their partner holding on to the receiver’s bottom or sides. Although Doggy Style is a huge hit with just about every guy, some women need time to open up to it due to the lack of face-to-face contact. That being said, once they do, they usually become big fans of it as well.

There are many direct variations of Doggy Style, some of the more common are:

  • Both partner’s standing
  • Lowering the receiver’s chest so that it is resting on the couch or bed
  • The receiver’s chest on the bed, but their knees on the floor

File No. 5: Vodka + Car = Blowjob

21 Nov

Bulgarian vodka manufacturers, Flirt, have rewritten a proven equation for disaster.
From the early days of D.A.R.E. , that 1980s program established to keep kids off drugs, to driver’s ed videos, the message that drinking + driving = death has been drilled into our heads.

This is the aftermath that we have come to expect from drinking and driving:

Apparently, in Russia, drinking and driving leads to:

Sure, sex sales. Sure, we love flirting. But this is a step too far.

Flirt has unleashed a number of sexually-suggestive ads that push the boundaries over the years. From knee condoms

that have been marketed to women who give blowjobs to raunchy public restroom sex with an angel keeping tally … .

Is this insinuation a little too extreme, though? If it were in any other place except a car would it still be effective?

File No. 4: Men Speak Out on Top 10 Worst Pickup Lines

20 Nov

Askmen.com, that great and insightful site into the male sex psyche has been known to unveil top 10 lists from time to time on an array of subjects that matter to men. True to style, AM posed a question to their readers to brandish them with the worst pickup lines they (or their friends) have ever used. The result? Well, just be glad you never came across these men in a bar.

As seen on askmen.com, 10 of the worst pickup lines ever:

1o.  Are those space pants? Because your ass is out of this world.
Flirt Files Says: Really, men? This might have worked during the Space Race, but not today.

9. Your dad must be a terrorist because he made a bomb.
Flirt Files Says: Ha. You’ve gotta hand it to this guy, at least he’s apprised of current events …

8. If I was a fly, I’d land you first, because you’re the shit.
Flirt Files Says: Um, gee thanks. Top billing on the poo ranking scale is sure to get you laid. Fail.

7. Excuse me, could you give me directions … to your house?
Flirt Files Says: Americans are regarded in Europe for being forward. It’s one of the things that makes dating in the states differently from dating in Europe. But this, this is a bit too forward. Cute? Maybe if a drunk Frat boy said it.

6. Oh, excuse me, but I think you dropped something. (Then hand her a bit of paper with your number on it.)
Flirt Files Says: Poor effort. Don’t cop out! Flirt!

5. My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?
Flirt Files Says: Owee! This is only the halfway marker? How can they get any worse than this? We think this person’s penis died from non-use. He’s never gotten any using lines like that!

4. Hey you look really fun, I had to come talk to you?
Flirt Files Says: Fun? Fun?! Like a bouncehouse or a super soaker or an endearing clown with a notorious red nose? How does one look fun?

3. (After beckoning someone with the “come here” motion.) I just wanted to see if I could make you come with one finger.
Flirt Files Says: He obviously needs a lesson in fingering.

2. Does this smell like chloroform to you?
Flirt Files Says: Does this look like me calling the cops to you?

1. My love for you is like diarrhea. I just can’t keep it in.
Flirt Files Says: Gross. Just gross. We know that everyone does it and we’re fine with everyone doing it, but just because it’s a natural bodily function does not mean you can use it to hit on me.  How many drinks has this guy had doused in his face?

File No. 3: Masturbation Explanation

18 Nov

We all do it. Some of us started at an earlier age than others. Some of us like to talk about it, while others regard it as one of the most private acts a person could engage in. Personally, I enjoy masturbating in the company of my partner. Knowing that my pleasing myself turns him on always turns me on. When we’re not together I prefer to masturbate thinking about him or looking at some of our rather x-rated photos and videos. For me, masturbation is just a continuation of my sex life. It is centered around and focused on him because he is the only one I want. I find a lot of women feel this way.

You know who doesn’t feel this way? Men. For most of them, masturbating isn’t about perpetuating romantic feelings for their partners. It isn’t about remembering that last steamy encounter or even fantasizing about a new one. Masturbating is where they go to fantasize about whom they can’t have. It’s how they deal with the “you can look but you can’t touch” situations.

While I understand this, it still … bothers me sometimes. What bothers me is that it feels like as soon as I leave the house Michael and I share he jumps on his joystick and has a play. Fine, everybody needs their privacy, I get it. But seriously? Every time I leave the house? Naturally, this causes me to second guess my relationship, his wanting me and et cetera. He constantly reminds me that he does want me, that he’s happy with me. Still, I’m always left thinking: if you want me and only me, if you’re completely happy as you insinuate, why is there the need to jerk off to the picture of some woman you’ll never be able to touch?

I don’t have the answers. I wish I did because it would keep me from going crazy.

What’s your experience? How do you feel about your guy having a go?
Guys, how do you feel?