Tag Archives: men

File No. 8: When They Don’t Flirt With You

10 Dec

Maybe you’ve been there. You’re cleaning a room in the house and completely by accident stumble across something that belongs to him. A letter from another woman, pictures, whatever. Your heart sinks. Curiosity and blind rage drive you forward. You rifle, you discover more, pictures, letters, letters, pictures. Defeated, confused and angry you slump to the floor and sob.

When you finally lift yourself off of the floor you feel like someone is still keeping you down. You feel hurt and angry, embarrassed and annoyed, frustrated and confused. Very, very confused. He’s looking at porn too much. He’s getting too close to a friend or an ex. He’s giving you some sign or some reason to doubt his feelings.

Maybe this isn’t the first time it’s happened. Maybe you’ve been feeling like this for a while. You’ve mentioned it before. He nodded, rubbed your back, said he understood, but still he can’t give it up and before you know it, you’re sharing your house with more than just him. Now it’s every naked woman’s picture he keeps. Every magazine filled with women who look nothing like you. Women who he masturbates over, violating the delicate and precious intimacy that the two of you have for two-dimensional, glossy (and most commonly, fake) women that he’ll never get to see or touch in reality.

For whatever reason, he’s taken all of that. All that you give him, all the love, the fact that you take care of him and cook for him and clean and invest your emotions and your energy into your relationship … he’s taken all of that and he’s shit all over it. And it burns you up inside.

You find yourself constantly second guessing. Wondering, worrying. Feeling like shit because you know that he’s interested in someone else. You know that as soon as you leave the house, he settles in front of his computer, pictures and roll of tissue in hand and thinks about women other than yourself.

And you want to vomit. And you want to throw your hands in the air in frustration and end it all and make it all go away. But you love him. You really do and this is the only hiccup in your relationship. And, shouldn’t you be more accepting? Didn’t you come into the relationship knowing he looked at porn? Hadn’t the two of you looked at some together? Do you really have any right to be offended then?

How much do you take? What if you did something similar? What if your drawers and shelves were full of pictures and DVDs of naked men? What if you left evidence of masturbating? What if you made it crystal clear that there 3948203820 other men in the world who turned you on and made you feel as good as he did? Would you expect him to stay put? Would you expect him not to be hurt?

What is it that makes you keep your mouth shut?

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File No. 6: Top 10 Sex Positions We’re Most Thankful For

24 Nov

With America on the cusp of their biggest eating holiday of the year, we take a moment to reflect on some things we are truly thankful for. Of course, sex is always on the brain here at The Flirt Files HQ. To demonstrate that, we give you, the top 10 sexual positions we are the most thankful for:

10. Inverted Jockey

The Inverted Jockey position is a variation on the Cowboy with the giver leaning forward over the receiver. It is not a naturally occurring position, as the receiver has their legs closed while the giver sits astride their thighs. To get into the position, the receiver simply lies down on their back while their partner sits atop of them and leans forward on their arms. Although inserting can be a little difficult at first for the giver, the tightness of the opening can be rewarding for shallow penetration.

9. Inverted Missionary

The Inverted Missionary position is exactly what it sounds like, the Missionary position with the receiver on top and the giver underneath. Getting into the position is very easy; the giver just lies back on the bed and has the receiver lay on top of them. Variations in the positioning of the receiver’s upper body can also allow for kissing the body – shoulders, breasts or neck, so feel free to move around and experiment.

8. The Viennese Oyster

In the Viennese Oyster position the receiver lays on their back with their lower back and legs raised all the way up so that their ankles are crossed behind their own head. The exact end position will depend on the flexibility of the receiver. This position totally exposes the groin area to the giving partner who lays atop the receiver to perform. The giver moves up and down on the receiver to create friction. The giver needs to use their hands to support their own body weight so as not to crush the receiver.

This position requires considerable flexibility on the part of the receiver and it cannot be (fully) achieved by most, but it is wonderfully “naughty” due to the feeling of being totally exposed. Those less flexible might try getting into the position, but stop at the point where the position starts to become uncomfortable. The giver can also help those less flexible by using their hands to support the receiver’s thighs at mid-point.

7. Scissors

The Scissors position differs from the Intersextion position because all four legs are inter-crossed or scissored. This allows for a unique angle for penetration, but it comes at the partial expense of comfort. Many people don’t like this position because they find it awkward to position their legs without causing one of the partner’s legs irritation or pain, but it does have a solid following amongst those who can find the sweet spot.

6. The Upside Down Position

Stand facing each other. You jump up and wrap your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck. Let him penetrate; then, very slowly and carefully, let go so your body falls backward into a handstand position facing away from him. Your palms are now on the floor, and he supports you by holding your waist and bottom. Yes, you do need to be flexible, but it’s actually not as difficult as it sounds. (And you’ve got to admit, it looks damn impressive!)

Why you’ll love it:

It’s called inversion: his taking you head-down. Because the blood literally rushes to your head, it builds pressure in the veins of your face and neck, producing startling sensations that lead to an orgasm. Oh, and it’s great for improving your balance and giving your abs a workout. It sure beats the gym!

5. Victory

The Victory is basically the Missionary position but with the receiver’s legs extended out straight and forming a v-shape toward the ceiling. To get into the position, the receiver simply lies down on their back while their partner lies face-down on top of them. The receiver then extends the legs as shown.

4. The Butterfly

The Butterfly position is at the head of the butterfly family. Its great for the edge of the bed, couch, or just about any edge for that matter! To get into this position, the receiver lays back on just about any edge big enough and plants their feet on the floor, while the penetrating partner stands or kneels between their legs.

This position is very comfortable for both partners, though a pillow under the knees could be useful for a kneeling penetrator.

3. The Slide Position

He kneels on a hard surface in a praying position, keeping his back straight. You lie in front of him with your genitals facing his direction. He then lifts your legs up to his shoulders, so your weight is supported on your shoulders. Shifting his erection downward, he penetrates you. He holds you in position by wrapping his arms around your upper thighs.

Why you’ll love it:

The Slide is successful because it’s a position in which he can penetrate you shallowly. How terribly tactful is Mother Nature? — all of the vagina’s nerve endings are located within an inch or so of its entrance. The reason the technique works: He is able to focus on your supersensitive nerve endings with what also happens to be his most sensitive part — the head of his penis.

2. Elevated Missionary

You’ll never see missionary position the same way again. “While on your back, put a pillow under your butt, lift your hips, and bring your legs up and back toward your shoulders, as though you’re folding in half,” says Solot. This move allows him better ease of thrusting and deeper penetration — a perk for both of you. Plus, it can stimulate your G-spot. But consider this a warm-up — you’re getting the zone primed for a more intense orgasm. Once your G-spot feels sufficiently stroked, put your legs down and have him get into coital-alignment-technique (CAT) position. “He’s on top, but he lifts his pelvic bone upward, aligning it with your clitoris,” says sex therapist Gloria Brame, PhD. “Then he rocks against the area until you peak.” “The legs-up position is a slow burn that brings you to the brink and increases sensitivity. Then the addition of clitoral rubbing takes you over the edge in a bigger way than if you had done CAT alone,” adds Brame.

1. Doggy Style

The most traditional version of the Doggy Style position is straightforward; the receiver on all fours with their partner holding on to the receiver’s bottom or sides. Although Doggy Style is a huge hit with just about every guy, some women need time to open up to it due to the lack of face-to-face contact. That being said, once they do, they usually become big fans of it as well.

There are many direct variations of Doggy Style, some of the more common are:

  • Both partner’s standing
  • Lowering the receiver’s chest so that it is resting on the couch or bed
  • The receiver’s chest on the bed, but their knees on the floor

File No. 4: Men Speak Out on Top 10 Worst Pickup Lines

20 Nov

Askmen.com, that great and insightful site into the male sex psyche has been known to unveil top 10 lists from time to time on an array of subjects that matter to men. True to style, AM posed a question to their readers to brandish them with the worst pickup lines they (or their friends) have ever used. The result? Well, just be glad you never came across these men in a bar.

As seen on askmen.com, 10 of the worst pickup lines ever:

1o.  Are those space pants? Because your ass is out of this world.
Flirt Files Says: Really, men? This might have worked during the Space Race, but not today.

9. Your dad must be a terrorist because he made a bomb.
Flirt Files Says: Ha. You’ve gotta hand it to this guy, at least he’s apprised of current events …

8. If I was a fly, I’d land you first, because you’re the shit.
Flirt Files Says: Um, gee thanks. Top billing on the poo ranking scale is sure to get you laid. Fail.

7. Excuse me, could you give me directions … to your house?
Flirt Files Says: Americans are regarded in Europe for being forward. It’s one of the things that makes dating in the states differently from dating in Europe. But this, this is a bit too forward. Cute? Maybe if a drunk Frat boy said it.

6. Oh, excuse me, but I think you dropped something. (Then hand her a bit of paper with your number on it.)
Flirt Files Says: Poor effort. Don’t cop out! Flirt!

5. My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?
Flirt Files Says: Owee! This is only the halfway marker? How can they get any worse than this? We think this person’s penis died from non-use. He’s never gotten any using lines like that!

4. Hey you look really fun, I had to come talk to you?
Flirt Files Says: Fun? Fun?! Like a bouncehouse or a super soaker or an endearing clown with a notorious red nose? How does one look fun?

3. (After beckoning someone with the “come here” motion.) I just wanted to see if I could make you come with one finger.
Flirt Files Says: He obviously needs a lesson in fingering.

2. Does this smell like chloroform to you?
Flirt Files Says: Does this look like me calling the cops to you?

1. My love for you is like diarrhea. I just can’t keep it in.
Flirt Files Says: Gross. Just gross. We know that everyone does it and we’re fine with everyone doing it, but just because it’s a natural bodily function does not mean you can use it to hit on me.  How many drinks has this guy had doused in his face?

File No. 3: Masturbation Explanation

18 Nov

We all do it. Some of us started at an earlier age than others. Some of us like to talk about it, while others regard it as one of the most private acts a person could engage in. Personally, I enjoy masturbating in the company of my partner. Knowing that my pleasing myself turns him on always turns me on. When we’re not together I prefer to masturbate thinking about him or looking at some of our rather x-rated photos and videos. For me, masturbation is just a continuation of my sex life. It is centered around and focused on him because he is the only one I want. I find a lot of women feel this way.

You know who doesn’t feel this way? Men. For most of them, masturbating isn’t about perpetuating romantic feelings for their partners. It isn’t about remembering that last steamy encounter or even fantasizing about a new one. Masturbating is where they go to fantasize about whom they can’t have. It’s how they deal with the “you can look but you can’t touch” situations.

While I understand this, it still … bothers me sometimes. What bothers me is that it feels like as soon as I leave the house Michael and I share he jumps on his joystick and has a play. Fine, everybody needs their privacy, I get it. But seriously? Every time I leave the house? Naturally, this causes me to second guess my relationship, his wanting me and et cetera. He constantly reminds me that he does want me, that he’s happy with me. Still, I’m always left thinking: if you want me and only me, if you’re completely happy as you insinuate, why is there the need to jerk off to the picture of some woman you’ll never be able to touch?

I don’t have the answers. I wish I did because it would keep me from going crazy.

What’s your experience? How do you feel about your guy having a go?
Guys, how do you feel?